Don’t touch the hair creep…

On American Airlines, a few weeks ago a woman was traveling betwix Dallas and Los Diablos.  She woke up to some guy ejaculating in her hair.  Oops!  Faux Pas…

First of all; she said she saw him doing the handy handy and ignored him at first and looked out the window.  Um, if I see some dude on an airplane next to me with his junk hanging out and he’s fondling it…I’m dumping some (I mean accidently spilling) some damn coffee on that shit…oops, sorry dude.  I hope I didn’t ruin your flight…on the bright side though; I burned off all those genital warts; so I think you owe me a few cocktails.  Your welcome.

Secondly of all; if the coffee doesn’t work…I will simply point and laugh hysterically while alerting the other passengers to the superb show of hands (literally) they are missing out on…I will also take pictures and video for youtube.com  Might as well send a nice vacation video home to the family.

So then the dude is doing his stuff…and somehow; he got his little swimmers high enough to jump onto her head?  This is just simple geometry but wouldn’t he have to be standing to get the ejaculation juice into her hair unless it is some sort of super sperm flying around the plane. 

Another word of wisdom; if you happen to notice someone jerking off next to you on an airplane…DON’T FUCKING FALL ASLEEP.  Stay the fuck awake for that shit…WHO THE FUCK FALLS ASLEEP ANYWAYS ON THE PLANE?  Hasn’t anyone here ever been pickpocketed?  or ejaculated on their face while asleep on the plane? 

Don’t ignore the guy having a circle jerk by himself; address the situation…by laughter or sharp objects and/or scalding hot beverages…this is a problem that won’t end happy (except for him)…Next tip; don’t fall asleep and make yourself vulnerable to facials and/or hair conidtioning treatments via above-mentioned deviant.  

OH yeah, if you do encounter someone who jerks off next to you with reckless abandon and nothing stops them…do not, I repeat do not let them get above your head to ejaculate on your hair unless you need a really good conditioner and you have really bad split ends…then consider it.  Otherwise; when you see him getting to stand up on the chair to ejaculate on your head…scream or shield yourself with Skymall magazinge (most people with social graces ejaculate into the magazine like normal people…) hence the sticky pages…god I hate that damn magazine…I’m always very afraid to touch it or even brush against it lightly…I digress…

If you do get ejaculated on the head with no avail to stop…please sue for more than a few dollars…this chick is suing for a few dollars…barely getting enough money after court costs and lawyer fees to take another airplane flight.     So I guess the problem is solved then.

Happy Air Travel…