Rock of Love 2…Part 2 “The deliciously delightful eloquent chickenheads”

I’m going to preface this blog with an apology because I’ve wasted way too much time not only watching this damn peice of filth Rock of Love 2 but also writing about it and talking to my students about it (I teach…I can’t believe it either…).

No one really knows the names of the chicks but they all have loveable nicknames that they are remembered by…I cannot take credit for these nicknames; just the inspiration.  Some of my students were getting a little too fired up about the show and they decided to nickname the skanks (cuz no one could remember names but they remember characteristics)…

So there is; “the crying stripper with herpes” aka Daisy…”the really old ass chick” aka Amber…and last of all; “the fat redneck that likes to beat people up” aka ???  (I don’t even know…that’s how unmemorable she is)   These are the final three…the other contestants were just as memorable…like the (warning; more nicknames)…”chick who was married three times and still married and cried a lot and tried to leave a bunch of times and looked like shit with no make up but was hot with make up”…(very long nickname but it covers everything)…The grandma chick…the redneck guitar playing old chick that looks like a transexual….the russian mail order bride who is now  a stripper and might be a man…Okay, I give up now…

The only thing I’m really freaking certain about is; those damn chicks CRY way too fucking much (and I’m a chick)…I have never in my whole life seen people cry so much…I’ve known people who have lost multiple relatives at one time and not balled like that stripper chick does five goddamn times an episode…and the old ass chick is constantly screaming at people for no reason like she is trying to start shit but no one cares…it’s like; “hey back off old lady, go rest your carple tunnel and throw some ben gay on your goddamn arthritis and shut the fuck up”….

The one that is a brute is always screaming, smoking and throwing things at people…she says; “I’m here for brett bitches”…but then there is absolutely and completely NO chemistry whatsoever…I think he even referred to her as “what’s her name a few times”…she looks like every cornfed farm girl from eastern Montana that lost their virginity to a cow…(Yes I do mean the actual animal…that’s how some people roll…not judging)…

Last thing before I find something semi-worth while to blog about…How many more Rocks of Love do you think there will be?  And how many should be allowed before VH1 tells these washed up musicians to just give up and become celibate…(Flava FLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAV)…I dn’t even know the name of Flava Flav from Public Enemy’s show but I know there has been a million seasons (or four) and he still can’t find himself a decent chickenhead…what up?  I say after the third or fourth season; give the fuck up…there is something horribally wrong with you and just deal with it…and move on…Tila Tequila too and the New York chick; these two transexuals have reoccuring shows too…why don’t they date each other or Flava Flav or the Poison guy?  Hello?  Put all those people with their bad dating shows on the same damn show…maybe they need to date each other? 

This is why I don’t date anymore…this is what is out there…Flava Flav and CC DeVille or whatever his name is…and Scott Baio is turning 65 and having a kid with an ex-stripper who already has four other kids with four other dudes…(more accurate name for the show)…why does Chachi have a show chronicling his loserdom-ness….and now even worse; him knocking up some annoying, nagging hoe and he walks around crying about having to go to some ”Big Gay Daddy Class” (that is the actual name) and not being able to hang out with his midget BFF…whatever…

Joanie don’t love you and either does the rest of America…and we really don’t care about your old ass and your illegitimate bastard kid who will probably be on Geraldo in five years finding out who is daddy really is with all those fruity parental tests they do and you’ll be sitting there with eight other guys hoping you didn’t spend the last five years thinking this kid was yours when you coulda been whopping it up and having a dating show on VH1 instead of a “Hi, I’m an old ass loser” show…

    

People are secretly watching “Rock of Love 2″ (lots of people…but secretly)

There is this gawd-awful show on VH1 called “Rock of Love 2″…now don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about because I know you do.  Drones and drones of people are watching this visionary masterpeice but NOT admiting it!

I know this because I have a gay neighbor who begged me to watch the “Rock of Love 2″ Marathon (maybe it was the first one..I don’t remember…but they are pretty much the same show except with more delicious strippers, hookers and delightfully skanky chicks this time around)…So the secret is; he says; “Can we please watch this horrible VH1 show but don’t ever tell anyone that I watched it with you?” and don’t ever admit to watching it…Sure, I respond…no sweat.

Being not too much of a television watcher; I’m sort of indifferent, especially about watching another crappy reality show…(I do watch the news, discovery channel and the history channel…so I’m a non-tv watching poser…I just called myself out…on being a television snob…)

I turn the channel and we seattle in for an afternoon of wine, cheese and Rock of Love 2.  Oh my gawd, the show was so freaking bad that it’s good…like seriously, it came full circle…it’s such a rotten peice of filth that it’s actually amusing to watch.  I say this being; recipe for disaster (and/or below mediocre which now equates to good televisio)…washed up 80’s rocker who no one really can remember his name or what band he was in…and a whole lotta skanky chicks that are taking a hiatus from their stripping gig (no disrespect to the dancers out there..I love me some dancers…by the way, could you guys start crip walking on stage…naked crip walkers would really be cool and its innovative; no one is doing it yet…your welcome for the helpful career advice)…

I digress; These chicks do ridiculous and awful challenges where they pretty much get almost naked and then they usually beat each other up and verbally assault each other quite a bit.  When they win challenges too; it’s unclear to what they actually win…a date?  (not much of a winning…if I’m getting naked; I better be getting a lot of cash…especially if it’s for a 50-year old wig wearing verbally incompetent talentless rock star who still wears eye-liner)…

Every episode he says; “Are you really here for me?” (that apparently is the only sentence in the English language he knows and “I got it”…oh yeah and of course; “will you rock my world”…seriously he only says three things throughout the whole show; over and over and over and over again)  and he questions over and over and over and repeatedly to the girls; about “being there for him”…

Dude, no one is here for you..they are here to promote their acting/dancig/modeling careers…stop asking already.  Then they falsely reassure him numerous times throughout the episode; “yes brett, I’m here for you”….”I love you CC, I mean Vince? Tommy Lee? Brett?”…blah blah blah…

Even if they are married, living with ex-boyfriends, a lesbian, struggling with crack-addiction, anger management, a token 50 year old divorcee (always one of those) who has been married 8 times…(hello, give up after three…three strikes your out; no more marriages)…mail order brides, groupies from the 80’s and maybe a few 18 year olds who don’t even know what show they are on and who they are vying for.

Are you interested in the viewing pleasure of this finely crafted form of art yet?  So the story goes; I slowly but surely start secretly revealing to certain people I’m afraid will judge my character for watching such a show…I preface the inquiry with; “Please don’t judge me or think I’m a low-brow peice of shit (or do) but my neighbor (and I always blame him too…I don’t wanna be responsible for turning people onto this gawd awful waste of air…but damn, if I’m going down, he’s going down with me…he’s like the crack dealer who gets people hooked with their first sample…damn it) got me hooked on this terrible trashy show which is deliciously shady and skanky and all the secret things we all love (in secret)…and lo and behold; the people I start sharing my deep dark secret with ALL WATCH THE DAMN SHOW TOO…they even know the names of all the people and where they are from and what movies they like…WTF? 

So I started opening up my secret viewing circle and realized, every goddamn person I know is watching the show; but in secret and they won’t admit it until I admit it…jesus christ, what is going on?  Absolutely no one in the world wants to take responsibility for watching the show…it’s like sneaking a cigerette after you swear up and down you quit, or secretly eating a whole tubful of cookie dough, or secretly loving disco and Rachael Ray…or that time you accidentally killed that hooker and went out to death valley and buried…(er, that didn’t happen…but if it did; IT WOULD BE A SECRET JUST AS HARROWING AS WATCHING ROCK OF LOVE 2)…

Now these folks I speak of are artists, refined humanoids, intelligent, street smart, well-schooled, proper ettiquette and social graces and superior speaking skilled individuals that are watching it…(I’m sure the trailer folks…not hating on you; I’m poor too, love the trailer folks as much as I love people in studio apartments…but I’m sure these refined characters are hesitant to admit they watch the same stuff as poor folks drinking boxed wine and middle class folks in Whichita, KS who eat at Sizzler) but alas, it is true. 

America’s secret addiction has been unbridled.  Feel free to now talk freely to your fellow humans about this show…don’t hide it…let your light shine so that Brett Michaels may know that people are indeed watching him and he should unveil the wig.  Just once, I want one of those chicks to rip the wig off…please???? 

Next blog…”The delightful skanks of Rock of Love 2″ (now that I can finally breathe easy and admit wholeheartedly that I do indeed watch the damn show)    and you do too!  Free yourself from the ties that bind you from admitting to watching the show…You will gain a new lease on life!