Buying Breast Milk On-line!

The other day I’m perusing through craiglist.com looking for other necrepheliac hermaphrodite lovers with lepresy…and I stumble across an unusual ad that caught my eye.  BARGAIN BASEMENT PRICE ON FRESH BREAST MILK! 

Oh boy; it must be my lucky day…I’ve been searching and searching…scouring the stores both far and wide; for FRESH BREAST MILK…boy am I super fantastically glad I found that ad!!  I was ready to give up on my breast milk search!! 

I do have a few small inquiries though about this above-said breast milk…like for instance; if you are in the market for buying BREAST MILK…do you really wanna be buying the Bargain BASEMENT brand??  I mean, that could mean just about anything..I mean I’VE SEEN the bargain basement type clothing places and they are mismatched…one leg longer than the other…the seams come out…the pants split right down the keister crack and so on and so forth…so if that is an example of Bargain basement clothing…imagine what kind of ailments the breast milk must be suffering from….Is it perhaps from a semi-retarded person who is missing a few chromosomes?  Or maybe once you drink it; you immediately go into spontaneous convulsions whereupon you bite your tongue off causing you to become a mute for the rest of your existance?  These are very valid questions…maybe the breast milk splits your stomach open…maybe it turns you into a Partridge family church member…You gotta be carfeful with this bargain basement shit… 

Although I’m not a breast milk connisseur; I do however; advise you to not opt for the bargain basement brand…spend the extra quarter; your innerds will thank you!!

One last thought to note; The breast milk is FRESH…as oppossed to the ROTTON shit they sell???  Does the headline usually say; “Rotton smelly mold-infested breast milk for sale”…so now they are so ridiculously excited that the breast milk isn’t smelly or rotten; they really really gotta highlight the FRESH adjective…at least you can be rest assured the breast milk will be fresh though ‘cuz I’ve  heard  though the grapevine; that the old rotten crumped up breast milk…can be as addictive as crack-cocaine…

So let’s just say; you are having trouble finding breast milk and you resort to craigslist.com for all your breast milk needs…by the time they ship it; will it still really be FRESH??  Or do you meet someone in a dark alley to make the deal…you must only bring cash and put it in a suitcase and leave it next to the dumpster behind the 711…the breast milk will be waiting for you in a blue duffle bag…how does that work?  I bet there is some sort of underground breast milk selling ring that we are all walking around oblivious to….people selling it and buying it ILLEGALLY…maybe even injecting into their veins to get a better rush…maybe they are cutting the breast milk with milk of magnesia…oh my gawd!!  Such a cruel cruel world we live in…having to resort to such measures to get FRESH goddamn Breast MiLK…it’s making a criminal out of ALL of us Breast milk addicts…

Lesson to be learned…if you are having trouble finding breast milk at your local Korean bodega or random prostitutes you know having some extra laying around…CHECK THE INTERNET!!  IT’S FRESH!!