I HAVE SINGL-HANDEDLY SOLVED THE GAS CRISIS BUT I CAN’T GET ANYONE TO LISTEN OR GIVE ME A GOVERNMENT LOAN TO PROCEED WITH MY PLAN

So listen up…we are all roasted up about the fucking gas prices, right??  I’ve single handedly devised a way to solve the problem!!  I’m very proud of this…I just need to get one of those government loan type things so I can proceed with my evil world gas take-over plan…booohahahha (that’s my evil laugh…everyone needs an evil laugh, by the way)…

Here it goes…so I’ve decided…what does the world have an over-abundance of??  Stuff that is just laying around and no one is really using or recycling…hmmmm…Eureka!!  SPERM…you got it!!

It’s fucking everywhere (pun intended) and no one is using it…it just sits there going to waste…on the bathroom stall walls, cheap hourly motels, and fast food chefs depositing it into the food…it’s so fucking wasteful to let it go unused…I mean, I feel sick with guilt just thinking about it; downright crestfallen, in fact…So I decided it’s HIGH time we started using it for something instead of just letting it rot and dwindle away into the vast abyss…Are ya with me? 

All that sperm that goes to waste everyday should be recycled and used for something useful…why not to run a car??  Here is the invention…a car that runs on sperm!  I’ve thought this through carefully and it is freaking genius…not only will I solve the gas crisis but the economy of the world will improve…

Let me explain…so we’ve come to the conclusion that there is a lot of extra unwanted sperm floating around out there, right?  Well, you simply use it for your gas tank…I suppose you could scrap it off the bed sheets and whatnot…but it would actually be easier if after you are done doing whatever the hell you do; you simply run out to your car and ejaculate into the gas tank…that way, nothing goes to waste you see…(it is also in some circles a good form of birth control…so not only are you saving money; you are also doing a little population control).

Also, homeless people everywhere would be able to make money…let’s say you are like me; a single female driving down the road and oh my gawd…empty gas tank…fuck!!  Oh wait…there is a freeway ramp up there…this is where the homeless come in…they stand on the freeway ramps waiting to ejaculate into your gas tank…and you give them a dollar or two and be on your merry way…SEE, everybody wins!  They make money, you fill your gas tank…all the while everyone enjoys themselves…an easy seamless gasoline transaction just occurred!!

Think about this fellows; you lose your job…what am I going to do now?  Bada Bing; I will simply become a “gas station” attendant…just go head over to the nearest freeway ramp and you’ve got yourself a booming career in the gasoline engineering field…without those pesky student loans!

Okay, so you are thinking…what if it takes this above-said homeless dude a while to ejaculate…easy again…you could simply carry porn with you to stimulate his “gas producing mechanism” or flash him…that way, you may not even have to give him the dollar or two…FREE GAS is always good!!

Also, let’s say you are in a rush to work and you don’t have the time to scour the freeway ramps in search of horny bums with extra sperm milling around…simply wake up; knock on the neighbor’s door and ask him politely to “fill er up”…if you were so ambitious too; you could start asking all your neighbors to start filling up jugs for you and carry them in your trunk as “back-ups”…you never know when you’ll need that extra sperm to make it home…

So let’s stop wasting unwanted sperm and recycle it…if you want to help me invent this car that runs on sperm..please write to the appropriate government officials to get me my loan for this economically savvy plan!!

Thank you!!