Kaiser Permanente kills (just like crack)

Kaiser Permanente wants you to know they will keep you alive a long time…

long enough to at least dump you on skid row if they get sick of you and your petty little illness. 

There is a commercial on TV now with an old dude…but you don’t know he’s old at first.  There is a snappy song, (one of those feel good soul songs from the 60’s) and a pair of feet wearing snappy shoes, Chuck Taylors with some equally snappy socks.  The feet are happy feet….walking, trolling and dancing and occassionally kicking their heels up in the air with glee.

Then the camera pans up the body and you find out it’s an old man and he’s really happy cuz he’s walking the streets after having been treated by Kaiser Permanente.  First of all; did they JUST treat him…like five minutes ago and then dumped him off on skid row or the MacArthur Park area…the neighborhood eerie-like reminded me of both or at least one of those hoods.  Hmmmm…then the song continues to tell us that he’s gonna live forever and ever…(kind of like in Fame…without the performing art school)…

He is smiling and waving and doing acrobatics…now the acrobatics is a bit far…I mean, dude, simmer down…you just left Kaiser permanente; let’s not get too nuts and have you go back for more medical care.  By the way; what meds did they give you…??  No one leaves any hospital especially a crappy like like KP and is filled with that much glory and jubilance.

I also must add that it’s ironic that Kaiser permanente is bragging about keeping people alive when they are so well known for killing people…letting them sit around, croak and most importantly of all; mistreating and beating up the patients.  Hmmmmmm….good job keeping them alive…I figure that their staff must think; if they can sustain our beatings, lets throw em back on the street…they can endure anything and this fucker ain’t dying anytime soon..let’s not waste our time on him.  He can fend for himself.  Let’s give him some fancy sneakers, put a Richard Simmons pair of shorts and tank top on him and a headband and send him out into the streets to sing the praises of our downtrodden reputation we have for killing old people.   He’s old, he’s alive…stop your bitching Americans…

The very end of the commercial; this old man who has been bopping about all excited to be alive because Kaiser Permanente didn’t kill him (which is a more accurate assessment of the situation…he’s happy NOT cuz they kept him alive…but because they did NOT KILL him like they normally do and he actually made it out alive…who cares if you’re on skid row…you’re alive and out of KP, damn it…sing sing sing…even do some crip walking if you are extra thankful)

I digress…at the end of the commercial…he jumps up in the air…and then comes down and does the splits…the Chinese splits…oy vey!  Then the commercial is done.  WAIT, you mother fuckers…you know if he made it out of KP…he’s going back…god knows he suffered from some serious sciatic nerve damage after that manuever…that is not safe for anyone who hasn’t stretched properly…let alone an old man who just got out of the hospital…he’s going back to KP…hopfully he can get out alive this time; but I doubt it…that will be the last commercial you ever see him in again…

Also slightly curious if this is their new way of making old people pay their hospital bill…Free medicare for everyone…but first you have to wear a monkey suit around skid row and sing and dance and do dangerous acrobatics…If you live through the stunts, rampid gunfire, muggings, and the Chinese splits at the end of the commercial, after jumping 30 feet in the air with your fancy sneakers; then we are square, your bill is null and void.  We do however, still own your soul and those Chuck Taylors we let you borrow for the commercial shoot…please return those by 5pm this evening…