Pregnant MAN on Oprah…

This guy is making news all over the place and of course; whenever something happens to you that people think is noteworthy…hmmmm, where do you go?  Yes, you end up on Oprah so she can make a buck off you and sensationalize your situation and act all concerned for you and your welfare.

So of course; Mr. pregnant man goes on Oprah.  Now technically, he is not a man…he is a she (very confusing)…The dude (damn I alrealdy forgot his name….but he’s from Bend, Organ which makes me wonder what is in their water…In LA, we have drugs in our water…maybe they have hormones in theirs?)… 

He was a young beauty queen…prancing and frolicking on the stage and in the spotlight of the warm glow of the bask of the public’s adoring attention.  I’m sure he was charming (or not, because he’s a pretty scary looking dude…)…So he grows up and decided to have his chesticles chopped off…and decides to drink some special water with lots of hormones in it to grow some facial hair.  (I secretly think he was just trying to get into the moustache institute cuz it’s all the rage nowadays to be affiliated with those folks…google it, it’s pretty damn funny)

So then he married a chick (doesn’t that make them both lesbians…which is fine…if they were both somewhat attractive however…the man is a hairy, large, looks like he might have halitosis, lice and scabies)…so now at age 34; he decides he wanted to have a kid.  His wife told him; “Look dude, I already had two damn kids and they are grown up and I’m so glad those bitches are out of the house…I ain’t doing it again…besides, damn look at my post pregnancy body….this shit doens’t come without hard work asshole”….(that is the conversation I’m imagining)….So he says, “I’ve always wanted that pregnancy glow everyone is taking about…I need the complexion boost”…and I really can’t afford these hormone pills anymore so I’m just gonna stop taking em and see what the hell happens…

So his wife, goes to the local glory hole and gets some “deposits” via syringe and petri dish from some lucky candidiates…she injects the husband/man/woman herself$%^&&…HUH?  Don’t you have to be licensed or something? 

He is now six months knocked up and super excited and even more so cuz he’s on Oprah…Oprah says; “he is an inspiring speciman to diversity”…sure Oprah…whatever you say.  Oprah could say that we should publically hang him and tar and feather his wife; and all her viewers would be like; “YES YES YES OPRAH…good idea..let’s do it”…ON A REALITY SHOW!!! 

Now that he’s tackled the big O (all of them I guess…EW)  We (the general public) can look forward to him/her/hermaphrodite being seen everywhere…if he gets a hangnail after the pregnancy; he’ll be on Oprah and Maury and Jerry.  If the kid is a hermy; whooooo…finally a hermaphrodite reality show to make sure the diversity continues with the American public…I’m personaly keeping my fingers crossed that they have like six-eight kids like those folks in Iowa…

Icing on the cake would be the ratio of hermaphrodites is more than the ratio of not…Keep your fingers crossed for this exciting diversified family to grace us with their presence for years to come…and to encourage more hermys to have kids and confuse them even more than most kids are in this big bad world we reside in. 

On a sidebar; is the pregnant Dad going to be called Dad/Mad/Mod/Dom/Mom/Dam (you know like those cutsy names the press invented for lamos like Bennifer, Brangelina, etc…)  I personnally would encourage them to go with DOM…that way they can work in some more damn diversity by also incorporating their alternative lifestyle of DOM/SUB…cuz you know those fools are all up into beating the crap out of each other…

Hermys and Dom’s…I like the new-found direction the world is heading…that is something I can really get on board with!