THE BATHROBE MAFIA

So has anyone else noticed a ridiculous rash of old people committing crimes???  For instance; it all started off with the old guy that drove into the Santa Monica Farmer’s Market in 2003.  He drove for a ridiculously long time with his foot on the gas exclaiming that he “thought it was the brakes”.  Okay, seriously after the first few people were taken out; don’t ya think even the most unobservant of folks would notice something was up?  But eleven people dead and two miles later; he realizes that either his brakes are pretty bunk or he just rose a few notches in the eyes of the Bathrobe Mafia and their evil world take-over plan. 

 

So there begins the rash of crime…crime committed by people over 60.  If you remember correctly; shortly thereafter; an old man in Florida plowed over a farmer’s market there too.  Concidence???  I think NOT!!!  They are all in it together!!  I’m telling you the truth!

And let’s flashback even further; how about to 2001?  Robert Blake.  Yes, he’s in on it too! Martha Stewart?  Another peice of the puzzle known as the secret underground “Bathrobe Mafia”  Yes, the streets are not safe anymore with the Bathrobe Mafia littering them with their murder, insider trading tips, lead foots, and other acts of deviance. 

Let’s throw Woody Allen into the mix as well.  I mean, marrying and banging your daughter should definitely be right up there in the Bathrobe Mafia crime circle.  Bill O’Reilly and his phone sex calls?  More terror brought on by the Bathrobe Mafia.  Pat O’brien should have place in the Bathrobe Mafia Hall of Fame, with his groping, drunkenness and racism.  Phil Spector…another pawn in the game of the EVIL Bathrobe Mafia.  I’m telling you, we’ve got to watch out for these sinister human beings.  Anyone over 60 should immediately be suspect in your book.  Damn them looking all sweet and old and innocent.  They use use it to their advantage and then plead ignorance or alzheimer’s or some shit.  It’s such a perfect ploy!

ALAS; the bathrobe mafia is back and have struck yet again.  This time it was two elderly women; ages 77 and 75.  If you have been chronicling the bathrobe mafia such as I have; you may have taken note back in 2005 when these two women surfaced with their insurance policy scheme.

Here is what Olga and Helen did.  They befriended old people…old homeless dudes and then took out life insurance policies on them…ha ha!!  Sinister, right?  Indeed!!  Then they would run them over in dark alleys in downtown Los Angeles and collect the money. 

Now if they would’ve done it once or twice and taken the money and ran, they probably would’ve gotten away with it.  But no, Olga and Helen (well, Olga claims that bitch Helen got greedy) and they decided to do this 23 @#$%@ times.  Twenty-three goddamn times…????  A red flag is bound to be raised at some point…

Helen and Olga thought they had the protection of the bathrobe mafia but the mafia can only do so much to protect you.  The first couple o times; fine…but after that; simmer the fuck down with your killing and befriending, even the most professional contract killers (flea market guy) know when to say when.

So Helen and Olga stew away for three years before they get their court date.  I ask you; WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY DOING?  Working at the salvation army?  soup kitchen?  Maybe they were knitting stockings for junkies on skid row?  

The news story said; “the woman were emotionless when the verdict was reached for conspiracy to commit murder and no chance of parole”.  Of course they were emotionless.  They are in their 70’s; how much time do they have left?  What do they care?  It’s free retirement living for them for the next few years before they kick the bucket.

I think the rash of crime spawned by the bathrobe mafia is the thought process of; “hell I’m old, I may as well commit some crimes now and get locked up rather then be homeless..my social security is all gone cuz of those damn casinos out in Palm Springs so what’s a lonely old fool to do now?”  Commit crime…that is what is in store for us all at the end of life.

We decide either to sit around in a home, convalescent place, streets, work at 711 and spend our days staring at the walls or go out and LIVE!  By live, I mean commit crime and cause havoc all over the countryside.  NO one will suspect you of evil-doing; you are old and swwet and innocent looking…fuck people up!  It is your time!  The golden years mother fucker!

On that note; I can’t wait to get old…I mean decripid old…like I’m so fraile and cute old that no one thinks I’m capable of evil world take-over plans…that is when I’ll strike and make my mark.  I’ll join the bathrobe mafia and start commiting crimes.  I’ll start small with shoplifting knitting needles and work my way up to white slavery and sex slave trading and heroin muling.  I’m excited for the new pathway I’ve been led to by those innovative, clever folks known only to the underground crime rings as the infamous Bathrobe Mafia!