Surgery is funny!

Speaking of youtube.com (see below)…sometimes it is used in the public interest which I applaud boisterously.  For instance; the Phillippines (have you noticed a lot of weird shit goes on with those crazy Phillippines?)  I digress; some doctors over there were conducting a rectal surgery…pretty fun stuff, right?

A resounding YES!  So fun that someone decided to videotape via camera phone and throw it up on youtube.  The cinamatic masterpeice included a gay man who was drunk somehow (use your imagination on this) got a deorderant spray can shoved well er, rather stuck up his keister and had to have it surgically removed. 

Just for the record; whenever you get something crammed up your keister and have to have it surgically removed; that is the surefire sign of an unforgettable not to mention; monumental weekend!  (keep for future reference) 

The doctors remove it all the while; cheering and yelling that he “had a baby”…and then the doctor proceeded to spray everyone down with the deoderant…(in his defense; surgery rooms can really stink, burning flesh smells AWFUL…don’t ask how I know)…I’m just happy to hear that he didn’t let it go to waste; I hate wasteful people. 

So the art director (um, camera phone operator) for the shoot gets all the fascinating footage and it’s only on youtube for a day before the patient (can in keister guy) files a lawsuit…what a spoil sport.  It’s all fun and games until someone files a lawsuit, that’s what I always say.  The video is removed and tossed in the vast abyss known as the camera phone archives and perhaps the judges chambers for some jovial after-court viewing along with some Vino and crumpets.  Festive!

In closing; the victim (is getting something shoved up your keister a victimless crime?  talk among yourselves…) claims he doesn’t remember how it got there?  Hmmmmm, I was getting it on with some hot twink and then we started doing what we do when we do…he started shoving fists and limbs up there so I barely noticed that a tin can full of Old Spice* was up there too…hmmmm, I wonder what else those doctors found…maybe some sort of family heirlooms?  A gerbil family?  Roman Scribes? The original declaration of Helsinki?  Sounds like a good old fashioned treasure hunt to me…nothing to bring the judicial system into unless you found some unratified amendments…then maybe just hand them over to the proper authorities and everyone is square.  (I know what your thinking; why am I not a judge?)

* If you know anyone who is unsocialized enough to actually wear that crap Old Spice; do them a favor and buy them something else to wear…maybe bug spray or Ben Gay.  You’re Welcome little campers for the advice.  I’m here to help.

Technology and stalking…

 This wide world of technology has opened up some interesting yet repulsive doors I’ve noticed as of late.  The first one I will point out is that broad from NYC married to the Broadway fellow and announcing her divorce and then proceeding to send humiliating messages to him and his coherts via youtube.com.  People (mostly her lawyers) are saying she came off as classy.  WTF??  They are saying this merely because she has a British accent; she could be fisting leper midgets and as long as she talks in a British accent it’s classy.  I’m serious about this.

I have news; anyone (in my opinion) who posts self-serving, humiliating, baggage on a public forum is a peice of trash.  It’s about the most classless thing you can do; accent or not.  If you have any dignity and poise; you will keep it to yourself and resort to diplomacy to resonate your differences.  End of story.

That chick and anyone who posts youtube videos to talk smack or sabatage someone is garbage.  Now in the polar opposite of that.  All these jokers who also post videos on youtube, myspace wherever the fuck…telling the world how wonderful and great and witty they are…are also trash.  I’m so sick and tired of going to myspace and seeing people brag about how wonderful they are…posting pictures of themselves being “crazy” and hanging out with wash-up celebrities and the like…puhleez!  If you have to brag about yourself via some stupid forum; you obviously are lacking in all of the greatness you are hoping to exude via the internet.  I can’t even go on myspace anymore without throwing up because everyone on the planet seems to think they are “smart, witty, fun-loving, sassy, fiery, spunky…etc…(insert more cheesy adjectives if you must)…everyone also seems to think they belong on TV and all sorts of media and everyone is also in love with their lives.  (really? and you feel the need to justify that to complete strangers?)  

Who gives a rat’s rectum?  I don’t care if people think you are sweet and sassy; I think you are a big douche   I don’t care if you think you are the next Will Ferrell…you arn’t…(and let’s hope not cuz that dude is NOT funny and not even proud to be himself)…

Now on another note; I totally undertand the beauty of myspace and the like in keeping up with family members, communicating a worthwhile message to the masses.  but why oh why does everything think the entire world cares about them and wants to stare at pictures of them?  I don’t get it.  Why do I care about your really bad home youtube videos that you think are comedy? hmmmm, I don’t…and neither does anyone else.

Part 2 of this blog…another rash of trend-like nature concerning social networks.  People, drones of people have taken to stalking via myspace, facebook, youtube and google.com.  Most of my lfe; I’ve been too busy to stalk people on myspace…but alas; plenty of other people have time on their hands to do just that!  I won’t say names; but someone was telling me all about people I barely knew because they were on a late night stalking frenzy via myspace.  I was like; “are you serious?”…that is what you stayed up until 4am doing?  Don’t you have a job? life?  things to do?  hmmmmm, interesting…Here’s a hint if you are a late night stalking on myspace with nothing else to do; cancer isn’t cured yet the last time I checked, world hunger, hmmmm still a problem as well…landmines in Angola; could you hop on that?  (literally, go hop on them…you can post the pics on myspace after you lose a limb or two…it’ll be fun)

On another loftier note; when I’ve had time on my hands…I actually cracked a case…(yes, I’m a super sleuth)…four of my girlfriends were dating the same guy…now I wasn’t real concerned with this until the “perp” (that is what they call em on Law and Order and I wanna be hip…)  decided to “attempt” (key word is attempt) to include me in this stalker circle and I happen to click on this not-so-savy person’s myspace and saw all the hootchies he was chatting it up with.

I took it upon myself to make friends with them all…from there I start inviting him and all of the woman to the same places and let the fun begin.  I then sit back and watch the excitement!!  That is about the most fun I’ve had with myspace…I wish I had more time to stalk people and wreck more havoc but alas; dare to dream….someday!  Retirement!!  (I’ve got it all mapped out)

I guess the message behind this somewhat irritated blog is; if you have a myspace, youtube, facebook that is celebrating what a wonderful, great human being you are; brimming with talent that puts Leonardo Di Vinci to shame…hmmmm, you probably aren’t.