This is a shred of advice I felt was somewhat important to dole out to unsuspecting do-gooders out there in the big bad world….sometimes people move into the hood and don’t understand or quite know how to resonate with the proper protocol regarding the street folk wandering aimlessly.
So let me enlighten and inform you to the proper etiquette reguarding the above-mentioned.
Now if you see a homeless man laying on the ground…DO NOT ASSUME HE IS DEAD….I tell you this to save you from an embarressing encounter with someone who could perhaps be taking a nap and/or breather from life’s downtrodden strong-hold.
I personally know a young lady who performed this misleading “good deed”…she saw a homeless man laying on the ground and just automatically assumed he was dead…without even kicking him in the head a few times or poking him with a giant sharp stick to see if in fact he was napping or merely resting after a long day’s work of holding signs on freeway ramps.
So the cops show up (cuz there is a pretend dead body clogging up the sidewalks of the oh-so-upscale hood)….can’t have dead bodies getting in the way of tax-paying pedestrians, now can we? The ambulance shows up too; not just one or two but a gaggle of ambulances…like I guess a gaggle definition by Webster or maybe just his step-cousin would be like ten. So there is gaggles of authority figures looming around…(which is never good for the hood)….people scatter and disarray ensues.
The homeless guy then awakes from his deep slumber (he might’ve been having a good dream too…I hate when that happens and some asshole wakes you up)…So he is MAD…downright pissed off. He gets up screaming about how he was napping and how the hell can he nap with all this ruckus taking place and people clamoring around him. Get the fuck away from me you freaks, he yells. First of all; he’s calling us “proverbial” normal people freaks which is in and of itself somewhat ironic and funny…(considering I haven’t decided if there really truely are any normal fucks…maybe just me…I’m all alone…I guess Shirley can be one too since she’ll be reading this…and you too…you are totally normal!!)
So he is hopping mad and the police point out the person who reported the “dead body”…and now the homeless guy knows who his enemies are. People with cell phones from the ‘burbs. Goddamn them and their fake naive caring. The homeless man shreiks “I don’t go to Sherman Oaks and come to your house and report burgularies and domestic violence, do I?”…”No, I don’t think so”…(mostly cuz he doesn’t have the means of transportation to get there but that doens’t make his point very well now does it?)
So after the madness dies down and it’s understood that he is napping and wants to be left alone…I feel it’s important to pass this info along to folks who aren’t schooled and/or well-versed in the lifestyle of the average everyday street person. You see, they ususally aren’t dead…they are merely napping..just because you have a bed and a roof in which to slumber, does not mean that we all do. So be a little more tackful and polite when you see others napping and if you are real offended by it and they are clogging up the sidewalks a little too much for your liking; perhaps you could invite them to nap at your humble abode or even in your car.
Now on the rare occassion that you used my stick poking manuever and/or kicking in the head repeatedly…and there is no reaction. Then perhaps save everyone a few trips and just call the undertaker…why go through all those middle men with the 911…cops…ambulance…and save the dead body a little embarressment…just go straight to the source and have em taken the fuck away by the guy who is suppose to take them away…
Or if you are so ambitious (which most aren’t)…go ahead and dispose of the dead body yourself and help clean up our fair city. It’s easy and fun. You simply take the dead body to the nearest dumpster and plop it in. Done and you’ve saved lots of people lots of time and energy…and you’ve beautified the city!! Smile and think about how you’ve done your part and galavant away….if you are really happy; you are also allowed to frollick.
Don’t abuse frollicking too much though; it’s only to be saved for special occasssions.
