is just like when you were a kid and traded baseball cards and those retarded matchbox cars. Now instead of those items; the updated version would be substituting hookers and random chicks you suckered into believing you had a “modeling” job awaiting them somewhere in the ’shaw* in a crack-den.
Let’s do a little flashing back…Jerry, the big fat jaundiced heroin addict** used to pass out on the lovely steps of my classic very hip 1920’s historical architecturally savy building. Joining him would be “the bitch who tried to cut him”***. They would take naps, shoot up heroin and have picnics made of meth and fourties. Very quaint nice little family gathering. 5000 cc’s of fun!
They disappeared for the winter, hibernated I guess. Kind of like bears in the winter…they hid out in their storage room down the street to shield themselves from the nasty strong-hold of the brutal Los Angeles winter. So now Jerry is back, but no “bitch who cuts”. Jerry decides to follow me one day (yesterday) while walking my dog. He explains to me that; “they kidnapped her”. He frantically flays his arms about yapping about “them”****
They have her…she is with THEM…the dreaded THEM. I ask “Who are these THEM that you speak of so fondly?” He replies that “THEM are the MS13, a highly revered and much feared gang from El Salvador”. They roam our streets here in Los Diablos. He then asks me if I’ll go to the house where they are holding her and see if she is okay. Jerry continues with his foray of converation about how she is being held as a sex slave ***** and they are forcing her to prostitute (which is weird cuz she did that when she was free roaming the streets) and give hum hums and so on and so forth.
Jerry is pleading with me to go over to Hoover and 7th and just go ahead and knock on their door and inquire as to her well-being. Yes, good idea…send the skinny white girl with the little white maltese dog…very gangster. How intimidating for these dudes. I will show them all my gang tats and all my leopard stars strewn about my canvas that some refer to as skin. I’m sure that’ll scare the bejeezuz out of em. A silly white girl with tribal scribes, leopard hearts, leopard stars, skulls and crossbones and a pin-up girl sleeved on the upper arm. Very frightening…next to people who tattoo their faces and shank themselves when they are having an off day. Sure…superb Jerry!
I’ll stop right over on my way home from Tai Chi.
I ask if they have weapons. Yes he says. They sure do…they are packing glocks, aks, Mac 10 and gats. Sweet, I have Mace and my homemade soap shank…no problemo…I can definately intimidate them and if I can’t; my six pound dog can certainly give them a golden shower or two to intimidate them. Okay Jerry…don’t worry about that bitch that tried to cut you…I’m on it!
The really twisted part of the story (as if the rest isn’t slightly to moderately off-kilter) is that I think it’s true and so does everyone I’d told it to. Katie Couric did a damn undercover report on it and I don’t think Katie, a woman who cares deeply about the health of our keisters would lead us astray.
Most of these sex slave traders tell the girls that they can get them; “waitressing”, “modeling” and “dancing” (like you know, tap, jazz and riverdance) kind of jobs. First warning sign; when you are out hooking and a group of strange men ask you to get in their car, say NO…wait for the lone Japanese businessmen. Second tip; there is NO modeling job…you are overweight and too short. Unless you are over 5′9 and less then 110lbs…no one is going to hire you for any legitimate modeling…move on. Last but not least; if they tell you the job is in the Crenshaw district or in Carson or off Hoover and 7th; get to stepping…the Shaw is no place for you normal people out there who don’t know well enough to pack a little heat.
There is plenty of hooking, waitressing, illegitimate modeling jobs for all…you live in goddamn Los Angeles; those are the things keeping our economy going…naked people keep this damn city in business…so if those things are your passion; you don’t need to take up with some renegade felons to do it…I believe in you! You can do it! Just head over to “Nude Nude Nude” by LAX…Dream big and reach for the dollar bills.
You are welcome for the lofty advice.
* Affectionately dubbed name for the Crenshaw District of Los Angeles; I believe a lot of rappers pay tribute to it in their musical stylings.
** Big fat heroin addict is an oxymoron…isn’t being skinny a benefit of riding the horse; if not the ONLY benefit of doing heroin? If you are a heroin addict and still fat…stop, jesus is just playing a nasty trick on you.
*** ”The bitch who tried to cut him”…Jerry’s girlfriend the big fat trailer trash bleach blonde girlfriend of Jerry…no one knows her real name because that is the only name anyone has ever heard Jerry refer to her by…
**** THEM = an infamous group of people that no one really knows who they are but lots of people blame things on THEM…These THEM guys are always fucking with everyone. Often time; “THEY or THEM” are responsible for anything bad that happens to anyone at all times. THEY are probably looking for you right now and then THEM will get you…
***** Sex Slave = How can you be a sex SLAVE when that is your occupation…doesn’t slave connotate that you are doing it against your will? (I didn’t have time on that particular day to rationalize that thought with Jerry the heroin addict as much as I love to pontificate about the sex slave industry)
