Death penalty too harsh for child rape??? WTF…

I just saw this on the news; that the supreme court decided that death was too harsh for kiddie rapists…WTF are these people thinking?  Kiddie rapists are the ones who get KILLED in prison cuz they are such vile repulsive human beings.

Child rapists RUIN lives…they destroy a child forever and they don’t deserve to die?  HUH?  PUHLEEZ…they should be STONED to death (see below blog whereupon; I lobby to bring back stoning…primarily for these types…I was just joking about the jay walking)

Child rapists and pedofiles are the most heinous people on the planet and should not be roaming the streets or allowed to live on the planet.  I know death is harsh but the severe emotional damage done to someone who suffers from rape is a serious psychological problem and for a child; it’s a problem that shapes who they become and how they go through this life. 

It ruins every chance they have of looking at this world in a positive light and it is something that follows them…steals their innocence and fucks with their psyche in a way that most humans cannot fathom.

So I say they deserve death…and stoning and pulling out their fingernails with pliers…I’m sorely disappointed in the judicial system.  Normally I’m against the death penalty except for people who mess with kids…they should definately be put to death.   

George Carlin…R.I.P

I’m sad that George Carlin died…he was freaking hilarious, irreverent and genius…

I want to be him when I grow up (which will be never at this point)…only without the facial hair.

 

Dana Point is gangster and encourages violence…

I say this because due to the heat; a pal and I decided to head down to San Diego this weekend.  On our journey down there….we stop in DP (not deep throat or Linda Lovelace…nope, just plain ol’ Dana Point…)

We were taking an enjoyable drive and we noticed some strange subliminal messages throughout the city. For instance; “Killer Thai” (Killer?  Really? ) and then down the road we see; “Thai this”…kind of like in your face Thai?  Like the Thai restaurant is putting their middle finger up at you?  I don’t like that in my Thai restaurants….I would like them to be a little more gracious for my patronage.

Then we continue on with the merriiment of the journey…Cuz at this point; I pointed out that Dana Point is connotating violence with the Killer and the Snotty Thai this reference.  Then lo and behold; we run into “bitchin’ burgers” and Rockin Lobster…

I don’t know about you; but I don’t need a burger bitching at me when I have perfectly capable crack whores looming around in my neighborhood to do it for me…for once; I’d like to escape all negative adjectives; that is why I troll to the ‘burbs. 

then with the “rockin” lobster..I took that at them trying to bring back stoning.  I feel that if you get a bad lobster; you are perhaps encouraged to stone the cook to death?  Or do you get stoned if you don’t tip?  Or does some renegade lobster stone you for eating him and his friends?  All very viable questions.

All of this has brought me to the conclusion that we need to bring back stoning…like in the olden days…stone people to death.  If I was going to court and I knew my punishment could be getting stoned to death; I’d sure think twice about jay walking and not wearing my seatbelt.  The stoning process could take place right there in court…it might elude some future lawbreakers from breaking the law.

It would also be a source of amusement.  People might actually enjoy coming to the courthouse….you could sell popcorn, hot dogs and cotton candy.  Crowds of young, old and children would gather round to watch the event…they could start televising it….maybe people could pay a dollar to throw a stone if they wanted to get out a little aggression so they didn’t end up like the stonee.

 

Death by Thong…

A 52 year old PARKING METER attendant is suing Victoria’s Secret over a deadly thong injury.  (is the secret that it’s also a weapon?)…I digress…there was some weird jewel thing on the thong and it fell off and hit this lady in the eye.  (Note to self; wear goggles or protective eyewear when trying on thongs)…

Why is there a jewel on the thong and secondly of all; who wants some lumpy uncomfortable jewel on their damn undergarments?  

This woman claims she missed TWO WEEKS of work handing out parking tickets….that explains why I haven’t gotten one in a while…(oh and the fact that my car is now in car purgatory…)  She is claiming that she experienced a DEADLY cornea scratch.  A cornea scratch is very minor; not to rain on anyone’s lawsuit.  Professional eye doctors will tell you that you will recover fully within a day or two typically.  But not ol Macrida Patterson, our friend the parking ticket nazi, it took her two weeks and now she says her life is RUINED.  Ruined I tell you…absolutely destroyed…If I can’t give out parking tickets; I have nothing to live for damn it…

Another viable question…why was a 52 year old woman trying on thongs…please try to expel that visual from my already tainted and scarred cranium.

Lesson to be learned…don’t try on thongs with weird objects on them or do; and hope you get some deadly scrath that disuades you from working your dead end job…

Last point here; this lady is a PARKING Meter ticket giver…the eye scrath and attack of the thong?  It’s karma…the thong knew she was a bad evil person…hampering normal people’s existence with her damn parking tickets and 100 dollar fines.  The jewel on the thong did it for upset parking ticket receipiants all over the world.  Thank you bejeweled thong…       

NO one wants to see fat old ass models…

That modeling show with old ass chicks trying to models…oy vey!  What a joke…they are living in a fantasy world if they think after age 24; you can get any modeling jobs that don’t involve porn and prostitution…puhleez!

First of all; the only reason I watched the show for two seconds was cuz my friend is “dating” (so he says…) one of the old ass chicks…(the blonde one that looks like every average blonde chick on the planet…)…

KIm Alexis looks like she is 100 now and she looks like a big fat ass…it made me sad cuz I used to think she was kinda pretty…now she looks like a bloated country singer who spent too much time in the sun…but back to the contests who want to be models…   

The chicks on that show are extremely ugly…I know tons of broads over 30 that are freaking HOT and look stellar and all they could find was cracked-out, beat up, lumpy ass chicks?  HUH?  Hello, this is LA…those chicks on this old person modeling show must be about the ugliest people in LA…Where are the casting people going for their show contestants?  The high desert?  Phoenix?  Vegas?  They all look like cracked out desert people…or from Sylmar which is also scary people land.

I really don’t think any of them are from LA…I’ve never even seen people as ugly as those alleged “models” in the LA…maybe they ship em over from somewhere.  I digress… 

The chicks on this show need some serious plastic surgery (I’m not an advocate of plastic surgery; I think we should be happy how we are…) Except if you think you are going to be a MODEL, and you are OLD…get fucking plastic surgery…tons of it.   I want my models with smooth beautiful glowing skin, chesticles that stand upright instead of hanging out from underneath your shirt…I want NO crows feet and get rid of those stretch marks already…If you are going to be a model and you are OLD…invest in your career and make yourself look respectable…have some pride…jesus christo…  

Fix your damn faces you old whores and stop eating…all ya all are way to fat to be models…

I”m serious; the chicks on this show look a lot more beat up then your average 35 year olds….they all look about 70 or more…Except the one from Iran (I think)…she is really damn hot and I think they should just give her the crown of “American’s top old ass model” right now and then send her on her merry way with her 10 g’s and her K-mart modeling contract…Happy trails….

Save money on production costs and spend it on hookers and blow instead…I think a show titled “Who wants to be a hooker and do blow off a pimp’s hairy ass every night for 50 dollars?” would be a pretty solid reality show idea… 

 

   

People just discovered steak sauce TODAY….

I say this because I just saw THREE…steak sauce burger commercials from THREE separate fast food joints on the tele IN A ROW.  First of all; the thought that people actually eat flesh of a living being is really disgusting and then to think that humans actually eat at those gaawd-awful fast food joints is unfathomable. (deep fried rat mcnuggets is not my idea of fast food or a meal for that matter…). 

Fast food = Red bull…you just open the can and it’s ready hence; FAST!  Meal = something that is satisfying yet not clogging your arteries or making you into a fat fuck…(Ex. of a meal..kimchi, sushi, etc…) 

But anyways, I guess people do consume that garbage and hence forth; they must love their steak sauce burgers…with three of those commercials in a row; I started to think that people just discovered steak sauce today the way they were putting up such a fuss over the damn a1 sauce burger.

I was thinking; didn’t they know steak sauce has been around for decades?  And people have been slapping the shit on their dead animal meat for a long time…

Just so you know…Burger king, A and W and Carl’s Jr…There is a peanut butter and banana sandwich you should put on the menu and advertise the hell out of it…it’s new; I just invented it today and it’s going to be all the rage soon…Bread was invented yesterday…so snap snap…I expect to see eight commercials about my food invention shortly…   

Barack and Michele throwing up gang signs…

This is pretty goddamn funny…some of the right wing wacko republicans are accusing Michele Obama and Barack of sending secret gang signs to each other.  And doing secret “we will rule the world and enslave white people” handshakes…

The Hilary people are spewing forth some of the same nonesense on all their silly little forums.  About Barack being a terrorist and giving secret signals…being affiliated with radicals and stealing speeches.  First of all; the speech stealing is just complete fabrication…and propaganda invented to create mass chaos in the minds of idiots who can’t think for themselves….same with the pastor business.

Now the secret handshake; I actually know that secret handshake everyone is up in arms about..don’t worry it’s not a terrorist thing…it’s a rolling crips thing…don’t worry; he’s just a CPT rolling crip…he only wants to rap and kill gangster rappers who don’t fulfill their record contracts.  It’s okay America; simmer the fuck down…

 

Light at the end of the tunnel…

So as of late; people keep telling me; “there is a light at the end of the tunnel”…Which tunnel are they talking about I ponder?  Is there some secret tunnel with a light at the end that I am not aware of?  And if so; why are all these fuckers hording the above-said tunnel to themselves.  That sure seems a little greedy to me. 

If I knew about some secret lighted tunnel; I would be sure and inform others and perhaps even go above and beyond the call of duty and point it out to them.   Not just very blaise like mention of the tunnel and then neander off into the sunset to my lighted fucking tunnel alone and with the others who know about the proverbial lighted mother fucking tunnel.

Let this be a lesson to those who spew forth propaganda regarding a lighted tunnel or a tunnel with a light at the end of it.  Don’t bother informing others about it; if you can’t tell us where the fuck it is…it’s just taunting and teasing.  I don’t think there is a tunnel in fact.  I think this is propaganda invented by those that live outside the tunnel to tease those of us who are confused about all this tunnel talk.

Also, if there is someone out there who could just tell me where the light is without the freaking tunnel; that would be cool cuz I have this hobby called pyrotechnics.

Thank you in advance for your helpful tidbits of prolific wisdom

Poop facial…

I know it was only a matter of time before someone would come up with this idea…I mean, we have people out there called Urinologists that convince people to drink their own urine cuz its healthy and keeps you young looking…(young looking are the key words)…

Now, bird poop keeps you young and beautiful.  Stop wasting your money on proactiv and soap…just go find some bird poop, it’s everywhere waiting to make you look young and enticing.

The new craze in NYC is the bird poop facial…it’s stolen from the Geisha chicks in Japan…that is what they swear by to keep their skin glowing.  (white is already glowing without skin…could it be the color of the bird poop that glows and not your skin…I mean, I’m no scientist but I am a studier of the logic).

So women in NYC are flocking to salons in drones…by the tens to get bird poop facials so they can look gorgeous.  Another enriching ingredient of bird poop is that it exfoliates dead skin…you know what else exfoliates and gets rid of dead skin?  Rocks, sandpaper and razor blades…it’s a cheaper alternative.

So instead of paying some idiotas in NYC for a thousand dollar facial consisting of bird feces…why not try and harvest your own or just use some sandpaper…Don’t let perfectly good bird poop that is festering on your car go to waste…recycle and exfoliate!  

Scientists in Antarctica received 16,500 condoms from the government…

aren’t they being a little ambitious with this gift?  There is about 100 scientists studying crap up there…how many do you think are chicks?  Like 2?  I’m no mathematician but with all those condoms; they can have safe sex once a day for a year…aren’t you putting some high demands on those two ladies?  Don’t they have a job to do? 

Perhaps some of the scientists will engage the service of a few scantily clad polar bears?  I’m just throwing stuff out there.  Or perhaps…the government is taunting the scientists with the condoms.  Playing a funny little joke on them?  One can only speculate.

I am slightly to moderately miffed over the fact that my tax paying* is going towards buying condoms for scientists…I’d rather buy a nice meal for a homeless guy or feed a child or send them to school.  I know it’s selfish to help the homeless when there are sex-deprived scientists in the arctic but I guess I’m just a bastard that way.  

The homeless can still get a 5 dollar handy or in a pinch flash someone and get locked up in jail and get some good lovin’ there in the can…so they have nothing to whine about I suppose. 

On a sidebar; if you are looking to get lucky with the ladies…tell them you are a scientist…chicks go crazy for that kind of banter.  If you want to seem believable, make sure and memorize a few pages out of whatever field of science you will be affiliated with cuz they will want to know that you know stuff….or be really good at making stuff up about atoms and molecules and archimedes principle, refraction, relative atomic mass…and the like…maybe throw in e=mc2 for good measure…

You are welcome for the tip.  I am here to help.

* Tax money I haven’t paid yet and still owe to the IRS…I’m holding out for a better cause then condoms to lonely scientists…maybe once they send chocolate milk to kids in third world countries; then I’ll pay up…we should all withhold our taxes until the government comes up with a good way to use our money…is anyone on board with this?