Vajaja’s lifting weights?

Today I stumbled upon a strange tidbit of knowledge I’ve not encountered and it struck myself and my pal Sumer as slightly to moderately hilarious.  Vagina’s lifting weights? 

Upon receipt of this prolific knowledge, Sumer comments nonchalantly that her vagina used to lift weights down on Venice beach with those creepy muscle guys…to which I respond that my vagina does cardio on occassion and used to have a steroid problem which caused ‘roid rage so I had to change my work out routine.

Upon more pondering of the subject, we then decided that lifting weights for the vajaja is not very healthy.  For instance, the weights (upon  more vast research we later discovered the latter)…are metal balls you stick up there…Here’s a scenario; what if it gets lost up there?  You are doomed forever, NO? 

You go to the airport and the damn metal detector goes off; how the hell do you explain that to the security?  You are exhiled to spending your life explaining that you lost some metal weights up in your nether-regions…all in the name of exercise and health in the vaja area. 

Just a few risk to ponder before you decide to undertake such monumental undertakings…you’re welcome for the insight.

Sarah Palin Blow up doll…

You had to know this would inevitable happen…indeed!  The Sarah Palin blow up doll!  With all of her inticing winking and seductive stares and longing gazes given to Joe Six-Packs all around America. 

The limited edition Sarah Palin Doll and not only a Sarah Palin doll, it’s also a reversable Tina Fey doll…just add Scar and badda boom…Tina Fey!!  You can kill too proverbial fantasy stones for the price of one!

You’re welcome for the friendly tip!

I won

Joe the Plumber and Joe Six-pack are gay lovers!

Not a plumber and Joe Six-pack does NOT have a six-pack, just six VD

Unless you live in a bag of used douche, you probably have heard of the illustrious Joe’s getting all the props in the Republican campaign.  Seriously, have they not met anyone NOT named Joe or is Joe the same person?  Was Joe a average butt fuck hired to play this average beer drinking plumber?  Kind of like an acting gig.

First of all; Joe the goddamn plumber is not even a registered plumber, he is an assistant to the main plumber guy.  What do you think an assistant plumber makes?  Hmmmm, probably 8 dollars an hour and you tell me he’s gonna buy a business for 250 g’s? 

Secondly of all; he never said he was gonna buy the damn crapper business…it was a hypothetical question.  Honestly, Joe the non-plumber is never going to buy that goddamn business.  He owes back-taxes, isn’t a license plumber and last of all; IS NOT EVEN REGISTERED TO VOTE.

Joe the Plumber doesn’t even wanna fucking vote?  HUH?  Here is my theory…Joe the Plumber is McCrack Cocaine’s derelict nephew who hasn’t worked in years and lives in his parents basement, maybe he’s in a band…maybe he just likes the sticky icky.  But he’s 34 and his parents begged and pleaded with Mc Cocaine to give him a gig…badda bing…

Now oddly enough; Sarah Palin actualy beat Mc to the punch cuz she was already banging Joe the plumb aka Joe Six-pack…they met at a rally and he woo-ed her with some line about beer bonging a six pack after the speech and she and her impregnanted daughter took him up on his offer!  They had a festive night full of booze and erotic threesome activitites (that’s how us regular folks from Alaska do it, we are fucking Mavericks and not just in Politics…also in inbredding)…

Alternate ending to the Joe mystery…joe and Joe met at a Pow camp and were gay lovers while locked up…one time in the shower, McCaine pleaded with them to not keister him with no lube and he said; “Someday when I’m rich and leave my decrepid, disfigured wife for a heiress and do crazy maverick things and maverick my way to the top of the political food chain; I owe you fuckers…

Joe and Joe didn’t forget, they hunted the fucker down and made him to keep to his promise.  Hence the fame and fortune (not so much fortune) of the Joe’s…Mr. Six pack and Non-plumber.

If you have similar theories or interesting conspiracies involving the damn Joe’s; I’d love to hear em; kimberfreak@hotmail.com or just comment on the above mentioned….Gracias…

Crips for Christ…

apparently in SLC (Salt Lake City)…there is Crips that are jesus freaks!  They go to church and worship their Lord and then on the way home…blow up houses and cap asses.  Capping asses for Jesus!  It’s a new movement that has taken to the mean streets of SLC.

A documentary about Crip OG Mr. C and Sugar Bear, two former LLC (lay low crips) who left Cali-Porn-ia cuz of it’s three strikes felony law and uprooted to SLC hence the laying low verbage in the title.

Upon arriving in the pond of salt (is that the same town that turned to salt when that Sarah bitch looked back after being warned by some cat named Lot; not to?  just curious to see if I know my biblical theology)…I digress…

The Crips chapter in Utah does their crip thang…the walk, the robberies, the drug dealing and mack ten selling, slob killin’ (no disrespect to my B’s out there…Y’all know I heart ya), I love all of you equally…all my street thugs in da hizzouse)…And then they go to CHURCH and worship jesus.  They are jesus freaks; they go on youth retreats and church missions and then when they come back to run the mean streets; the kill mutha fuckers who deserve it.

In fact, the fuzz up in SLC claim that if a banger gets arrested on a Saturday night, they freak out cuz they don’t wanna miss church on Sunday.  They gotta spring da joint by morning to go to .communion and shit and show jesus some mad street love biatch.

The church they are affiliated with is “The Church of Jesus Christ of Ladder Day Saints” .  ON a sidebar; that is WAY too long of a  name for a religion and/or church..halfway through you kind of give up on the name and pretty much only retain Ladder day Saints which in my case; I picture a Saint Louisite climbing a ladder and forget all religious connotations attached to above mentioned belief system.  Then I usually picture them falling and yelling jesus fucking christ….hence, bringing it around full circle and covering the religious proliferations it was originally meant to insight.

Even the head brainwashing captain of the church acknowledges the crips affiliation and devote loyalty to the church and he embraces it.  He is a little iffy on the shooting and burning down of buildings and occassionally he frowns on the robbery (especially if they don’t tithe)…but he said that he resonates with it and welcomes those mutha fuckas with open arms and legs (or is that just the catholic priests…I get all these folks mixed up)

In conclusion; I do think that jesus died for the right to crip walk through the tuplips with reckless abandon without fear of the POOOO-lice beating your ass down with a bible and sheppherd staff. 

I died on the cross so you can cap asses...You